How I’d Do Romeo and Juliet (on a bed, in the middle of course)

Since love’s in the air, why NOT talk about my goal to modernize Romeo and Juliet! 

SO I WANT TO MODERNIZE ROMEO AND JULIET! 

The plan is to stay absolutely truthful to Shakespeare’s poetry because I’m not nearly arrogant enough to think I can remaster the work of a literary genius at my age - except I can since this play proves, as my friend Kelly so eloquently puts it:

“The only value in that play is as an example of Darwinism at its best!” 

But I won’t. I’ll stay so truthful in fact that I’ll make sure the role of Juliet is played by a man. And when I thought of that, and how right it was given that historically men did play women’s roles up until…some year…I realized that Shakespeare in a way was kind of LGBT progressive. Oh Shakespeare, always ahead of the times. 

So I won’t change Juliet’s name, because if men can be named Ashley and Camille I mean…Juliet’s fair play. And then I thought: Well since his name’s a “girl’s” name that must mean that his parents don’t believe gender is a social construct…Democrats?…WIZARDS! 

And on that vein of thought I pictured the two houses - Montagues and Capulets - as two houses of government Republicans(Montagues) and Democrats(Capulets). NOT ONLY THAT but by playing on ALL their stereotypes - so that no one group gets offended we OFFEND THEM ALL…ish - we have a society that wears sloppy to casual to business attire, drives big trucks, carries muskets compared to a society that wears robes, habits, and medieval clothes, rides on horses and unicorns, uses wands…get it? Politically charged the fuck out of this play - NOT TO MENTION the statement that they share the same city - same world - want the same things - family, fortune, future - but are only stuck on what’s on the surface. 

So in lieu of that someone Romeo’s plight is suddenly compelling and vastly relatable. He’s now a closeted…bisexual(?) -  don’t forgethe’s in love and pining over a girl named Rosaline before he meets Juliet- who’s falling in love with a boy which goes against every belief his family and people hold firmly. 

Won’t ruin too much more, but I’ll let you know how this goes. Remember, LOVE IS LOVE! And like Ben Silverstone says in that beautiful movie Get Real

“It’s just love. What are all of you so afraid of?”